Jerry, you need to find god
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
