I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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