I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
