trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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