The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
