im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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