I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
