My liver just broke up with me...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
All the doctor said was why
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
