i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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