its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
