Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
