Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
