True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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