FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
