whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
