I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
