Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
