her vagine was all disorganized.
someone owes me an orgasm
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
