She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
