please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
