And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
