I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
