i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
