Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
