I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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