..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
