Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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