the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
