It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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