Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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