I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
