End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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