yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She even gives head with a lisp.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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