just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
BRING THE BAGELS
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
