She's JV to your varsity
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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