I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
