I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
