break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
