planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
