Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
