There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
