Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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