I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
