Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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