I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
