So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
