Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
