I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
