Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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