'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
