standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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