he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
