do herpes really smell.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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